Friday, September 22, 2006

Vernon Robinson (NC-13): Waste of Oxygen

*****WARNING - FOUL LANGUAGE***** Please do not read if you are easily offended.

There are some people who don't deserve the oxygen they breathe. In my opinion, Vernon Robinson is one of them.

I despise vile, loathesome people who will lie about anything and pretend to be Christians while bearing false witness over and over again. There are people on this earth who will make any accusation against an innocent man in order to get elected. I detest people like that. I also loathe the knuckle-dragging, dim-wits who believe the lies.

So, now that I have that out of my system, why do I resent Vernon Robinson the air he breathes? We'll take his latest email step by step and you'll understand.
As many of you have heard by now, this past weekend our campaign was yet again the victim of apparent sabotage when the large moving van we were using to move seven thousand yard signs burst into flames and was consumed by fire as the result of the fuel line's mysterious rupture.

The episode has been like something out of a horror movie for all of us.

Campaign Director Jeff Mixon and Intern Ted Busiek were able to leap from the cab to escape a fiery death, but only because a freak wrong turn had caused them to pull off the road to check directions.

When they pulled off, fellow motorists began screaming at them to leap from the vehicle, as unbeknownst to them it was on fire underneath, where the witnesses saw fuel streaming from the partially-severed fuel line.

Less than a minute after they leapt from the cab, it was consumed in a full-fledged conflagration. Can you imagine?!

The fire department responded quickly, but the vehicle is a total loss.
Wow! This sounds awful, Vernon. I am sincerely glad Jeff and Ted are OK and that they took that FREAK wrong turn so they could stop and consult a map while unbeknownst to them a fire is raging under the truck. I guess it's a lucky break that it takes both of them working together to read a map, or they might be toast. Literally.

I'm doing my best to imagine a full-fledged conflagration, Vern. That's an awfully big word. You sure you want to use that in an email you're sending to Republicans? That's up to you, Vern, but I'm thinking you should knock it down a syllable or two.

OK, back to your story, Vern, because it's a good one.
It is too early to know how much if any of the cargo may be salvageable. We think we will be able to use the wire supports from the signs, but we know from the firemen that the load itself was on fire, and at least some of the signs were consumed.

Frankly, that is a minimal consideration. Signs can be replaced. I have thanked God many times in these last hours that His hand was on Jeff and Ted to make them take that wrong turn that took them off the road in time to escape before the whole thing went up.
Salvageable? I thought you said it was a "full-fledged conflagration", Vern? I mean, a fire that big surely would have burned up cardboard signs. And the firemen, Vern, what did they use to put the fire out? Pixie dust? Do you know what water and/or foam will do to cardboard? If the fire didn't destroy them, the water surely did. If the signs were printed on vinyl sheeting those are melted, Vern. Those little wire frames survived? Remember the conflagration, Vern. Those little metal wires would surely not have survived a full-fledged conflagration.

Let's find out more........
Unfortunately, this kind of thing is nothing new to us. We get a steady diet of threatening calls and nasty emails here, and it gets predictably worse when we put out a new television ad or radio spot. That's when the fun really starts.

I'd like to think that people would not stoop to this level. However, most of you know I have had my tires slashed, my wife's van was thoroughly vandalized, and they have even threatened my children to the point where my wife has asked that their pictures not be included in any more political advertising that we send out.

I have honored my wife's wishes in this regard, but if these miscreants and thugs think they are going to wear us down with this kind of behavior, then they have another thing coming.

We know these people monitor our emails to our supporters (because they signed up pretending to be supporters), so we know they will get this email as well, and I have a message for them: We will not be deterred from standing up for what we know is right no matter how much vandalism you try to inflict on us. And one day you are going to slip up, and we are going to catch you and bring you to justice, so you better watch your step. It's not funny any longer.
Damn, Vernon. What could you possibly have done to deserve all of this? You are quite the victim there, Vern. How could you possibly have made so many enemies? These nameless criminals, Vern. Do you have any idea who "they" are? You certainly are leaving it vague enough hoping people will take that leap for you and blame this on Democrats you're running against. You must have some clue who you are blaming this on.

I think it's the Republicans, Vern. Now, back to your story.
I am especially reminded today of those heroic men and women aboard the September 11 airline flight that crashed in the Pennsylvania field - the flight where the Americans fought back and wouldn't let the plane be flown into the Capitol building. I hope I can keep that same fighting spirit about me, and not surrender to these thugs, and not let them distract our campaign from its business.

And what is that business? Replacing the most liberal white congressman in the south with a conservative Reagan Republican (who happens to be black) who will force the Congress to confront our issues.
Vern, do you really want to compare yourself with the American heroes on United Flight 93? You should be ashamed, trying to promote yourself to hero status on the backs of 40 people who fought off terrorists. They gave their lives and fought off an attack on the heart of our government. Their memories deserve better than to be used by an opportunist and a liar.I'm not saying you're an opportunist and a liar, Vern, I'm just saying......
Snip::::What do we say to the supporter who loaned us his van, and now has no vehicle with which to conduct his son's appliance repair business? It was an older vehicle, but still very serviceable, and it was all they had. I consider that we have a moral obligation to replace his loss.
Ahhhh, so it was an older vehicle. But, you're sure the fuel line was suspiciously cut? Wow! An older truck used in a commercial business picking up and delivering appliances.....hmmmm, surely they had insurance on the truck. They wouldn't want to haul a customer's valuable household appliance without insurance to cover replacing it in the event of an accident, right Vern?

It's hard to imagine that the crackerjack reporting staff of some of the top papers in the state haven't reported a fire that destroyed the campaign signs of a congressional candidate. I've checked them all and couldn't find anything.

Then there's always the police report, Vern. Messing with the fuel line on a vehicle, Gosh, that's just got to be a felony. I imagine the firefighters would see to it that any suspicious activity was reported to the police. I assume the police report will be obtained by some enterprising reporter soon. Then we can get the details of your conflagration.
But I pray I will always be willing to stand up for traditional American values and conservative principles until I can no longer stand at all.
Hmmmm, Vern, lying through your fucking teeth might be a conservative principle, but it isn't a traditional American value.
Our normal campaign activities will go on (including fundraising), but it would certainly be nice if we were able to raise enough money in response to this email to pay the volunteer for his burned truck, and to get the lost signs replaced. It would be one less headache for me to have to worry about.
Normal campaign activities? Only you would consider crapping out lies a normal campaign acitivity. Wait! I take that back. Karl Rove would probably consider that normal too.
There will be no hard sell here. You bought those signs for me the first time, so I'm almost ashamed to ask you to buy them twice. But if I don't, you know what that means - there may not be any more! I suppose we could conduct a campaign without thousands of yard signs, but they're just one of those things the experts say you can't do without.::::Snip
Yeah, no hard sell, but please please please please gimme more money. I neeeeeed to buy some more yard signs because for some unknown reason I was too much of a fucking moron to make sure 7000 campaign signs were covered by some type of insurance.

The worst part of this is that the email lists Vernon Robinson uses have many fixed-income recipients. People who don't have a pot to piss in are going to send Vernon Robinson money because they think he's being picked on by the big bad libruls here in North Carolina. This is not only pathetic, it should be illegal.


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